


when all is said and done

by bebtea



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Between s2 ep18-19, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I found this ancient thing in my docs and I want you all to suffer, Spoilers for all of Season 2, Wow some pain today apparently, autistic runner five, s2 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21588562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bebtea/pseuds/bebtea
Summary: Coping with grieving and guilt, or not as the case may be.
Relationships: Simon Lauchlan/Runner Five
Kudos: 20





	when all is said and done

Awake and awaiting a rendezvous, Simon hears the choked sobbing almost straight away, but it takes a while for him to realise where it’s coming from.

“Five?”

He sees the panicked white glint in their eyes from the bedroll one over from him as they both sit up in bed, Five’s breathing short and sharp. He grabs their hand to pull them outside, grateful for probably the thousandth time that Jody sleeps like a dead log. The night is bright and cold, illuminated by a multitude of stars.

“C’mon. Let’s not ruin morale by letting the best runner in Abel have a breakdown, eh?”

Jenny’s on duty in the comms shack. Perfect. A word in her ear about Five not dealing well with recent events, a gentle run of fingers through her hair and she’s raising the gates almost without protest. 

The two runners jog for a good twenty minutes before Simon decides it’s time to stop, turning to face the runner who is only this vulnerable with him.

They sign something, but their hands are shaking and it’s impossible to make anything out - Simon barely understands what they’re saying at the best of times, and right now - 

“Five. Five? Try and look at me. Use words if you can, don’t worry if not. What’s the matter?”

There’s a long pause whilst Five gets their brain to work with their tongue, rocking forwards and backwards on their toes.

“Wasn’t fast enough,” they rasp finally, their voice peculiar and strained from rare use, clenching and unclenching their fists. Their eyes are ringed in purple and black guilt. “He shot… he shot…” 

“It’s not your fault, Five. You’re not a superhero. You can’t blame yourself.”

Five shakes their head. “Jamie does.”

“Well, Jamie’s bloody perfect, isn’t he.” Simon notices the sharpness of his tone, and cuts himself off. “You did all you could to save her, you know. She knew you guys were coming to rescue her: she wouldn’t have wanted you to feel like this. You’ve just gotta keep going no matter what the world does to you. Gotta keep living.”

“What… if… I don’t?”

“Now, Five,” he chides, raising an eyebrow, “That doesn’t sound like you.”

Despite it all, tears still streaming down their face, they manage a laugh. They raise their hands to say: “It hurts so much.”

Simon signs back as he talks. “I know.”

“Will it ever stop?”

“I… don’t know. But I’m here whenever you need to talk about it, Five. Seriously. Just let me know.”

Five nods. They turn back to the gates.

“Heading off? I’m going to wait out for a while, if you don’t mind. Got some stargazing to do. I’ll see you tomorrow, though.”

Five nods, steels themself to look directly in his eyes and signs “thanks, Three” before running on back.  
  


* * *

Simon stays out under the stars for an hour or so. His contact is late. 

He takes Archie’s iPod out of his pocket, puts an earbud in one side only, so it’s almost like listening with two people. Her ABBA catalogue. An eternity under a sky like this. Blood caked under his fingernails that only he can see. _Neither you nor I to blame when all is said and done._

He wonders if he’s going to cry too, but nothing happens.

  
  
  



End file.
